The world through my American eyes

Another benefit if you want to put it like that is that I left for work at least an hour earlier then I use to. I actually left before I even get out of bed some other days. With two co-workers on vacation and a third on sick leave that might be well spent time. So hopefully I will be home at my regular time instead of at seven o'clock like I've been the last couple of days.

So all together this might turn out to be a good Friday. The kids are coming tonight as well to make the weekend even better.

Not only did I rediscover my loving family I find my self reevaluating my life and stuff I've always believed in. I actually regret stuff done in the path. Wishing that circumstances had been different. I really love the people closest to me but my eyes have been opened and I can see what I have been missing for so long. It is tearing me apart, maybe not by much but small pieces here and there.

I wish I could have seen this day coming a long time ago, perhaps then I would have been better at saving money for starters, so that I could have made it possble to just take off and spend time with some of the people I love and miss a lot.

Today I wish I could be somewhere else.
One day I will be there, just not as soon as I would want.

Love J

Great this must mean that spring is on it's way I thought. Well the feeling lasted for about 30 minutes because when I went back shortly after, the snow was coming down. Not just a little, if you threw in some wind this could easily go as a blizzard.

Snow can be a bit exiting in December but not when we're moving towards April.

Give me my spring and warmth now. Pretty please?

You might say that I have been to happy.

This morning I was thinking about how selfish we really are. Everything is about me me me. In my self centered mind I've only been focusing on how I feel, what I've been missing etc. Yesterday aunt Chris wrote something that opened up my mind a bit. She wrote that she had been missing me for the past 35 years. Hey, I never ever stopped to think about that before. Who would miss me and why??!

Let's take a moment to think about this. I was 4-5 when I moved to Sweden and the people I can relate to are the people my mom told me about but there are no memories of my own, well except for talking to grandma and Chris on the phone sometimes. My family where so much older so of course they have to had their own memories of me (yes I know, I'm self centered). If I put myself in their shoes for a moment, how hard would it be to lose track of my loved ones for a couple of decades and even more.

Terrible I guess.

Now I'm sitting on the bus to work with a mushy feeling.

Aunties and dad, I do miss you and I do love you a lot even if I don't have a lot of memories of you you've always been a missing part of my life. Does that make any sence? And Sarah, whom I've only met for a short while when you where wery young, it seems to me that you are a remarkable young woman and I'm really looking forward to getting to know you.

My Swedish family was a bit dysfunctional as I grew up, not that I weren't loved, my mom was the best but there where issues and my grandma (not Irene) was kind of mean actually so the family never stuck together. So as you can see, the love and caring of each other that I see in my American family is quit breathtaking for me. Anyway, this has left me with an urge to NOT look back at my life. Events and people of the past have always stayed in the past but even that is slowly changing. I find myself looking up old schoolmates from 25 years ago. It's either the mushy feeling that won't let go of me or the fact that I'm growing older. I don't know and to be honest, I'm not sure I even care. Perhaps this is the new and improved me so OK let it be then =) and it all started about a week ago.

Next stop is my work so I have to go now.
Love J

Looking forward to seeing him again.

I didn't tell you that I am a grandpa did I. Did I tell you about the family at all?

Nathalie is on her way to 22 and she has a son called Vincent. Besides Nathalie I have a son called Tim and a daughter called Jennifer. They are going to be 15 and 13 this summer. Tim and Jennifer lives with their mom and stays at our place every other weekend. My fiancé Dannie also has two daughters who live with us full time so some weekends there are children everywhere. Her daughters, Linnéa and Emelie will be 12 and 10 this summer.

That covers all of the people in our family. Besides humans we also have an old cat, some snakes, a couple of lizards and some aquariums so our home is really full.

That will be all for now folks, my train is coming now.