The world through my American eyes

The past week has been so full of joy that I've actually forgotten to worry about stuff. Weight has not been an issue and neither has other problems.

You might say that I have been to happy.

This morning I was thinking about how selfish we really are. Everything is about me me me. In my self centered mind I've only been focusing on how I feel, what I've been missing etc. Yesterday aunt Chris wrote something that opened up my mind a bit. She wrote that she had been missing me for the past 35 years. Hey, I never ever stopped to think about that before. Who would miss me and why??!

Let's take a moment to think about this. I was 4-5 when I moved to Sweden and the people I can relate to are the people my mom told me about but there are no memories of my own, well except for talking to grandma and Chris on the phone sometimes. My family where so much older so of course they have to had their own memories of me (yes I know, I'm self centered). If I put myself in their shoes for a moment, how hard would it be to lose track of my loved ones for a couple of decades and even more.

Terrible I guess.

Now I'm sitting on the bus to work with a mushy feeling.

Aunties and dad, I do miss you and I do love you a lot even if I don't have a lot of memories of you you've always been a missing part of my life. Does that make any sence? And Sarah, whom I've only met for a short while when you where wery young, it seems to me that you are a remarkable young woman and I'm really looking forward to getting to know you.

My Swedish family was a bit dysfunctional as I grew up, not that I weren't loved, my mom was the best but there where issues and my grandma (not Irene) was kind of mean actually so the family never stuck together. So as you can see, the love and caring of each other that I see in my American family is quit breathtaking for me. Anyway, this has left me with an urge to NOT look back at my life. Events and people of the past have always stayed in the past but even that is slowly changing. I find myself looking up old schoolmates from 25 years ago. It's either the mushy feeling that won't let go of me or the fact that I'm growing older. I don't know and to be honest, I'm not sure I even care. Perhaps this is the new and improved me so OK let it be then =) and it all started about a week ago.

Next stop is my work so I have to go now.
Love J